So many thoughts and so many questions...
Another year has almost come and gone, and in January I turn 24. I can remember when I thought 24 was old. I can remember that time when I thought at 24 I would be with the boy that I thought I was going to marry, and I would be planning my life and teaching in Jay at the High School. I remember thinking at 17 that I would be teaching by 21 or 22 and out of college. Now, I am 23 and just finishing up my first semester of graduate school. That, of course, means that there is at least another year and a half of school in there. Life doesn't always let you go down the path you see in your future... And right now my paths of hopes are so jumbled that I don't know what path I will be going down when or even if all of the paths I see will be traveled. I don't know what I am supposed to do next fall and I don't really even know what to do with my life period. I wonder sometimes if I were closer to God would I know now where I was headed? Then I look at other people around me and know that they have sound relationships with Him and they are wondering just as much as me. The problem seems to be that I like to plan and tend to be impatient. This living for today stuff seems next to impossible.
Sarah talks of Honduras and I get wishful. I want to go to the mission field, but then all these insecurities arise. I know that God can handle it, but what if I get there and have an absolute breakdown? I'm known for those, you know? Maybe you don't. Not many see that side of me, but I must say it is a prevalent thing. I cry almost daily and most know I worry constantly. Some days are better than others, but overall I have a lot of trouble. I am kind of rambling here, but I don't really know how to effectively express these thoughts....
On a happier note, I started on Sharon's birthday presents tonight. It made me happy. I can't spend a lot of money so I am going for special... and I think I've got a good start. Hopefully she will let me know whether she likes it or not... and I'm banking on her forgetting about my blog long enough for her birthday to pass before she reads this : ) And... if she doesn't forget long enough... oh well... there are no details here.
"...and I, I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference..." -Robert Frost. I think this is a great image of the Christian walk. It may be narrow, uncertain, full of questions... but it leads to Him and His will for your life. Just keep traveling... the journey is the destination!
ReplyDelete24 is old!!! Just kidding. It is really weird how things have worked out in our lives, but we just have to take things a day at a time and see how things work out. :)
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