This weekend I went to camp to participate in the volunteer work weekend and see the camp people that I love and miss dearly. I have a lot of thoughts a feelings about it now that I am home, but I really don't even know where to begin. I will write about that in a bit, but for now I think I'll just talk about life and my rocks.
You see, I gave a devotion one year with two pitchers, some large rocks, some smaller rocks, and some sand. The devotion is on priorities, and we all know that I struggle with this, but apparently some of my campers better remember what I teach than I do. The large rocks are the really important things, and the things that God has called or asked you to do. The smaller rocks are the other important things in your life, but may lean more toward a want than a God driven thing. The sand is what we want. The point is that if you put yourself and wants first (i.e. the sand) and pour that into the pitcher and then try to fit in the small and large rocks it will not fit. Now, if you get your priorities in line and put what God wants first (i.e. the large rocks) and then the smaller ones and then pour the wants in it is much more likely to all fit in the pitcher. This meaning that if we put God first in our lives and what He has called us to do our wants and needs will also fit around and with His wants for us.
My big rocks right now are CCF, re-committing my life in a way that is holy and appropriate, Big Ticket, the upcoming mission trip to Indiana. My little rocks are work, school and homework, and friendship re-building. My wants/sand are a variety of things including photography, video making, writing, playing guitar, spending time with friends, running/exercising, having a clean room and house, having alone time (which becomes a need sometimes), and many other things.
Now if you've been around me recently you know well that I am too busy for my own good. My room isn't clean. I don't exercise. I have some time alone generally. I don't make all the videos I want to. I play guitar maybe twice a week. I haven't taken a photo trip in awhile, but I've been taking more pictures than usual. I spend very little time with those that I love, and I usually never really write. When it comes to the little rocks, I think in my mind somewhere they have made themselves the big rocks. The only one really worthy of that is the friendship re-building. These items are necessary and important, but they are also not supposed to be the focus of my life. They are simply important in my life and something that I have taken as a responsibility. The big rocks shouldn't stress me out, but they do. They worry me and I need to just let God do what He has to do and keep up with my commitments. I have a difficult time with this on most days as I try to take it and do it all myself. I really need to work on that.
So... that is my life in a nutshell. Though that doesn't include the issues I am currently having with my roommates, my struggle with how to handle situations that are in my life, my want for a relationship, my need for balance of work, personal time, CCF, class, friends, etc, and my want to know where I should go and what I should be doing in the upcoming years.
Now, the camp work weekend...
Keeping a positive attitude was difficult as I was asked to take pictures, and I really didn't want to do that. I love being a photographer, but I think I may be becoming bitter toward the fact that at every event I attend I am the one behind the camera because it is expected. Many times when you are the one taking photos you are not really a part of the event, but rather an observer standing off somewhere trying to capture the moments of others. In addition to that, rarely is there a "record" of your being present because pictures of you are far and few. Though once I was just taking pictures and wandering around (i.e. walking miles and miles) it was better. I got to talk to everyone and not just a few. I got to help when it was needed. I got to enjoy watching others enjoy the people they were with, laugh, and have a fun time while working. I also got to help a young boy up a hill who had fallen into the creek and gotten all wet, which resulted in wet feet and boots for me. Wet feet and boots are all the more fun to walk in! That reminds me, I left a pair of socks at camp. I can't afford to lose any more of those! Anyway, I had a good day and a good weekend overall, even if it didn't seem like the "best" job, but without that job I wouldn't have been able to talk to all of my girls and meet the people that I did.
When I first got there seeing Rachel was awesome. She is one of my campers from '07, but I got to talk to her in '08 as well. We've kept in contact since camp and really if it wasn't for knowing that she wanted me to come I wouldn't have went. I am really glad that I did choose to go though, as it was good to get away and get back to camp as usual. Seeing Katie and Gill shortly after was a bit awkward, but as the weekend progressed it got better. I really liked the fact that though their conversations may have been a bit edited because I was present they still talked about stuff that they know I don't fully "approve" of. This was progress to me, as I miss all of those girls and I feel like I've lost contact and connection with them. We ended up with some good conversation and laughs by the end of the weekend. Rachel and I talked til late on Friday night, and when Gill and Katie got in Gill joined us for possibly one of the last "bathroom talks" I will ever have. It was a good one though. I guess that is really about it as I don't know what else to say and this is already uber long. : )
Have a great day!
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